Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
