Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
