I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
