so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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