I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
