Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
