is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
