Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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