not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
