I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
