It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
