he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
