big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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