Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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