Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
