If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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