Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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