Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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