help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
