If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
