Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
