Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
