first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
