for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
