sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
