I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
