we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
