morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
