Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
