we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
