this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
