remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
