Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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