I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
