just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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