wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
