JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
