you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
