i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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