He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
