y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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