For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
