I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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