I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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