So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
