dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
That accounts for only three of the penises
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We are all done wearing pants today
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
