So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
