Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
