is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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