I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
