every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
ttyl tear gas
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
