I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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